So, we went in for an ultrasound last monday due to the fact that my belly has been growing like crazy. What we found out from the ultrasound is that Aurora was 8 pounds and 13 oz, so, close to 9 pounds. We began to question what my doctor would decide to do when we saw her on Wednesday. My original due date was sep 7th, and it had already been moved to August 31st. When we saw the doctor, she told us the pros and cons of having a c-section vs. vaginal delivery. A lot could go wrong for the baby if I tried to do a vaginal delivery as they do not know if I could get her shoulders out without breaking her arms. Cerebral damage could also occur, as well as the baby's death. So, I opted for a c-section. We'll be going in early on Tuesday morning for the c-section. It's exciting and scary all at the same time. I'm so excited to finally be able to hold the baby, but surgery freaks me out!

So, expect baby pictures in the near future =]

I'm a very, very tired person. I'm almost at 35 weeks and the summer couldn't feel any hotter. Arizona has really got me at my ends this year. The summer has been one of the hottest (or the hottest) on record. For the baby shower, it was 116 degrees outside. All I can say is; I will never be pregnant in the Arizona summer heat again. Next time, the timing will be much better.

Things are going well still. Life is an emotional roller coaster. I'm unhappy because I'm uncomfortable and too hot all the damn time. Once 37 weeks hits, the baby will be full term and everything will be all goes for me to have her. All I have to do is wait now. These final weeks feel like they're dragging by so slow! I'm tired of waiting, I want Aurora to be here now.

Now we're just taking care of the final things; finishing up her room, birthing class, finding a pediatrician and all of that good stuff. Her room is really cute, I'll have to post some pictures.

We found out on thursday that we're having a baby girl. We're naming her Aurora Charlotte! I'll have to post pictures from the ultrasounds that I've had so far at some point.

[link]


I've had this account for a long time, but I'm ready to put it in dormant so I can do what I want to do artistically without all the idiotic mistakes I made when I started here. I want page views to have never mattered. I never want to be in a popularity race again. Numbers don't matter; self fulfillment does. I also want to show my progression and my body of work as it evolves in my following years and throughout my life.

If you wish to follow me through my path of art, you may go ahead and add me, if not, then all I have to say is your loss. Things are about to get a lot better.

It's been quite a long month.

I found out officially today that I am really pregnant through a nice little pee test. =]

Nervous for the simple idea of having a baby from a hole that small. Sure, it gets bigger, but it's still really frightening to me. Matthew wanted me to watch this one show about bringing home babies a couple weeks ago, sadly, the one I watched had a graphic birthing scene and scared the shit out of me. I'm sure I'll warm up to the idea, but right now, it's far away, and very scary.

I'm nervous because of how people are reacting when I tell them; more so: I'm scared of how my family will react. This will be the first grandchild for my parents. My mom, who is in her mid fifties, still believe she is too 'young' to become a grandmother. My mother is never happy about good things anyway. On top of that fact, my mother is very catholic in her belief system. Marriage before sex, blah blah, blah. Come on, we weren't going to hold off. Even though I've only slept with one man in my life, my mother will repeatedly call me a whore. She's been trying to accuse me of being a whore for years, and now she has enough evidence so that she can get away with it (in her mind). It's going to be hard to go over to their house this weekend. I feel more comfortable with Matthew at my side, he helps me be aware that I won't have to deal with my mom's shit. He will protect me. While me and my father's relationship may become a casuality of me being pregnant; it's okay. If he doesn't want to have a relationship with me because of a baby, then he was never a good father anyway and he is not worth my time. I won't deal with my mom calling me ten million times a day for the next nine months telling me I'm some dirty skank.

Telling my friends online was actually rather awkward. A lot of people were mean to me about it. When I posted my previous post on deviantart, all I got was positive feedback and it made me feel really good. I was even able to speak to my friend, Jade, over AIM during the weekend and she made me feel ten million times better whether she knows it or not. She is a great friend. Not just her, all of you who are showing me support. Thank you so much.

On the good side of things again, I'm going to be getting a new position in my company that pays a lot more which is exciting! I want to be able to provide as much as I can for Matthew and my family.

Man, I'm really excited about the baby. I can't wait to hold it. I can't even wait to wake up at 2am and take care of it. When I officially found out today, the world became a better place and I noticed the beauty around me. I feel so enlightened now. When I got home and saw Matthew, I felt so much more special to be with him and having his child. This is forever. <3